No judging

We are past the 48 hour mark and my sister and I recieved the perfect gift from Dad and Donna to celebrate:)

It has been a long road for ALL of the grown ups too but Tim volunteered to stay with Emily while my sister and I took a bit to celebrate Emily's incredible journey.  Fact is what Emily went thru was so incredibly hard on her, physically and emotionally.  But I can not say it was not incredibly hard on us as well.  To be in a place wher you know exactly what could happen and to hand over all that control of keeping your child safe not only to the doctors and nurses, but to God is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life.

It is one thing I always have struggled with, I trust Gods plan for her life...and for mine.  I just would much prefer to know what it is beforehand though!  

I had no idea that there was anything amiss with Emily before she was born.  I was young and naive and had no real comprehension that anything could be wrong.  I did all the right things of course.

But things happen for reasons that we will never be able to explain...and God had a plan for so very many people thru what happened to Emily.

Some of you know this, but for those who are new to our journey,  Emmi was not expected to even make it home when she was born.  She was not expected to survive the transfer to Riley.  I had doctors and nurses both recommending palliative care for her.  But we held on to any hope offered to us...and despite the odds gave her that chance.

Emmi beat those odds.  Time and time again.  6 surgeries, a stroke, and 12 cardiac caths later she is this incredibly amazing strong woman and  I am so blessed to be her mom.

It never gets easier, handing your daughter over...not knowing what the outcome will be.  Giving up that false sense of control.

But each time we laern something about her purpose that is much bigger than any plans I could ever envision for her.

The first surgery brought Tim and I back to God.  Initially I was angry...way angry, but I had to turn her over to Him and trust.  She came thru it and because of her and Gods plan so many babies have since been saved.  She is the first newborn to have survived the procedure they did...now hundreds do

The first surgery also brought my sister and I back together.  For years we couldn't even handle being in the same room together for any length of time.  Now I honestly do not know what I would do without her.

There have been so many more lessons along the way.  Lessons in patience, perseverance, strength, trust, vulnerability, humility and so so much more...

So tonight it may have been inappropriate to some people to sit parked under the stars of the parking garage and enjoy some wine with my sister.  But for me...and for her it was a celebration of love, faith and family.  It was a celebration of the cummulation of an incredibly long journey that has impacted so many people beyond even just us.

I look at my daughter laying in her hospital bed and I am struck by the impact she has hazard on so many for being so young.  It took all I had not to cry while reading the letters from her friends just pouring out their love to her.  From all the people we have had praying for us, for all the visitors, comments, gifts, food, and support we have been blessed with. From seeing my daughter on the eve of her surgery buying gifts for her siblings cousins and her aunt instead of thinking at all of her self.  To see her (who can't even feed herself yet) text her friend not even 36 hour post op because she was worried about her friends struggles. 

I am just completely and utterly humbled by it all.

So tonight we celebrated the enormous gift that is Emily.

(Ps...she is still doing fantastic;)